I LOVE THE BONES OF THEM
NOTHING SHORT OF LOVE
I’ve always known that I’ve had mental health issues. And I was frightened of getting close to people because I didn’t want to be a burden. I felt I was weak and I was needy and I needed pity. I can remember being terrified, absolutely terrified, of them turning round and saying ‘no, I don’t want to be your friend.’ But I have such a lovely network of people, and I love the bones of them. And I don’t think any of us have met and I think that’s incredibly powerful. It’s lovely that you can have such a strength of feeling towards somebody you haven’t actually met.
You can make mistakes, you're not going to be cast out, so there's a sense of acceptance. This is a community of solidarity, there's something very powerful in that. That's what our time calls for, nothing short of love.
IT'S THE FIRST FOREVER THING
And of course it's fine to not want to be something, of course it's fine to not know how to do something, it's natural, I really believe that. I'm just trying to be honest with myself. But what I haven't been able to do is be honest with others. I've not been able to stand up and say 'I'm not her husband', or, 'I'm not her boyfriend', and 'I'm not in love with her' and 'I'm not able to commit to this' and 'I'm not able to cope with this'. To say that out loud is something that is very very difficult.
I NEVER SAID I LOVE YOU
I’ve never said to my mum ‘I love you’ and my mum has never said it to me. I know she loves me but I’ve never heard those words. My mum’s eighty-three now so, you know, I don’t know how much longer I’ll have her. I mean, every time I leave her I give her a big cuddle but I can’t say those words. What if my mum passes and I’ve never said it? I know, if I don’t tell my mum I love her, I’ll regret it."
I NEVER KNEW I WAS THIS BRAVE
I never knew I was this strong. I never knew I was this brave. Christopher Robin says to Winnie the Pooh "you're braver than you think, stronger than you seem." We all love but i'm not sure if there are many who can love themselves. And the journey is so hard, you know life is sometimes not for the faint of heart, but with these incredibly difficult moments, and they don't last forever difficult, come moments of sublime joy.
EXPERIENCES MAKE TRUST HARD
I'm not sure i'm able to talk about love or share my experience of love. I think because my parents relationship and my experiences of that it makes trust hard. I'm not saying I would never have a relationship. Part of what happened to my mum was that she had mental health problems and perhaps there's a fear that that could happen to me. It's quite layered I think. In some ways i'm very guarded and I don't let that go very easily, if at all.
NO ONE CAN LIVE HERE WITHOUT LOVE
No one can live here without love. Everybody needs it. If you see someone from a different place and if you meet them, you should treat them nice, you should give them respect. We should treat each other the same. We're not different, we're the same people.
WHAT REMAINED ALIVE WAS LOVE
"I was shattered, life as I knew it was over. It was a numb state of shock. What remained still alive, was love...Then these messages came in from all over the world, heartfelt messages of love. I'll never know who they are, so called strangers felt moved to write a note to me sharing what they felt."
YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS COMING NEXT
She drove JCB's, tractors, everything. Wonderful tango dancer. Wonderful tango, ahhhhhhhhhhh. I just let her go her own way, because she was her own person. There was no way you could tell Mamie what to do, no way. I just let her go. She'd go into a pub and she'd just get on the mic and start singing, start singing. She's just wonderful and people loved her, people loved her. I think I miss that you didn't know what was coming next.
CAN YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TOO MUCH
I've never ever recovered from his death. And I never will. Someone said to me 'you've got to let him go'. I said 'I can't'. I once asked him a question 'can you love somebody too much?' I think you can.
I DON'T HAVE WORDS TO EXPLAIN LOVE
I don't have words to explain love. It's just feelings, feelings that you feel. We're the same people, people are just the same. And i'm proud of who I am.
LOVE IS STRONGER THAN HATE
People fight for good on an everyday level and for love and will never be noticed in a book. Acts of love in a difficult world. But "goodness is stronger than evil, love is stronger than hate, light is stronger than darkness and life is stronger than death'.
MAYBE LOVE IS TOO HEAVY FOR ME
Maybe I like the feeling, you know, leaving a group of people I like to another place. Then I go back sometime. I was thinking maybe i'm looking for something, i'm looking for something...when I feel light, maybe sometimes I think maybe love is too heavy for me.
AND THEY SAY LOVE IS DEAD
I met her at Uni, up at Keel. Our accommodation is off campus, so we all have to take the bus in. And on the first day we were all waiting for the bus and we thought, 'this is interesting, there are some nice ladies here'. me and my two flat mates in a brilliant manly move picked which ones we want. "I'll take the ginger."
EXPERIENCES MAKE TRUST HARD
I'm not sure i'm able to talk about love or share my experience of love. I think because my parents relationship and my experiences of that it makes trust hard. I'm not saying I would never have a relationship. Part of what happened to my mum was that she had mental health problems and perhaps there's a fear that that could happen to me. It's quite layered I think. In some ways i'm very guarded and I don't let that go very easily, if at all.
I CAN FEEL VULNERABLE IN LOVE
I think, particularly with patrick's death, he was my son but I had him when I was very young, I was seventeen, I was a single mother. So, all my adult life I had been with Patrick, he was my one constant. And then this loss, but maybe discovery of my love for you more, it deepened and solidified. I was committed to loving you but never let myself feel vulnerable in that love. So to discover that I could feel vulnerable in love and actually feel strong from it, that it was safe, was a huge learning lesson for me.
SHE MUST BE RIGHT - THIS MUST BE OK
Because she threw herself at me so much and because she seemed to want me so much. I somehow felt, I'd never had a woman that wanted, that seemed to want me so much. I thought, 'God she must be right, you know this must be ok, because to actually want someone so badly. It's actually quite good to be wanted by someone finally.
BEING LOVED, BEING WANTED, BEING FOUND
I've always struggled with what is the meaning of life. Always. I come full circle, I go round and round. What's this process all about, this living and this dying and this moving on and the next generation. I can't quite make sense of it all. Being loved maybe, be wanted and being found. I don't know. Being recognised by someone, being recognised.
PEOPLE MAKE YOUR PLACE
If you can allow vulnerability in your life to be shared, you kind of have access to other people's vulnerability, and because you recognise something of yourself in each other, it isn't horrifying. And that was always my fear that if you share so deeply, people will be shocked. I used to think place was important. But now I realise it's people who make your place.
IT WAS VERY US - NOTHING EVER REALLY WORKS
I was really nervous. I kept checking me bag to make sure the ring was there. I kept saying to Jo, don't go in the boot, i'll put the bags in the boot. It was constantly on my mind. And there was this place we went called Tarn How. It's amazing. And I was like perfect, we'll go there and i'll just do it. Got there and i've never seen it so busy in my entire life. There was people everywhere, like coaches and I was like, I can't do it here. I can't do it. So I bottled it basically. I just left it.